Celebrity Traitors - paranoia deepens as traitor behaviour splits opinion
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Spoiler warning: This article reveals details from episode seven of The Celebrity Traitors, series two.
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Six days is a long time in The Celebrity Traitors.
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So it was a relief to be put out of our misery as last Friday's literal yawn-fest came to its slow-burning conclusion; the traitorous trio eventually succeeding in their mission to kill in plain sight.
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The snoozefest - which involved reluctant traitor James Acaster making faithful Ross Kemp yawn by boring him to tears - meant the paranoid EastEnders star was finally put out of his misery.
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On learning his fate, the actor turned to Shakespeare - who else?
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"To thine own self be true," he declared, quoting Polonius from Hamlet.
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As usual at breakfast, the faithfuls seated early mused over who may have been murdered overnight: "If Jerry's not here, I don't think I can handle it," Romesh Ranganathan confessed.
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Jerry Hall was charmingly late to the party. After everyone had discussed Ross's demise, she piped up in her famous Texan drawl: "Is Ross gone?"
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As the typical off-the-wall theories began to swirl, Jerry later told Miranda Hart she suspected fellow faithful James Blunt - for the very plausible reason that "his face is redder than a fox's ass at gooseberry time". It's as good a reason as any proffered so far this series.
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Watch: The traitors were given a special task to complete in the latest episode of Celebrity Traitors Once the croissant crumbs had been cleared, it was time for a mission that threw the cat among the pigeons - not least because the traitor's lair it took place in "smelled like a litter tray", according to Jerry.
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Miranda felt there were more complex olfactory notes at play: "A mix of salmon, cheap cologne and crotch." Delightful.
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The mission involved each player having to build a shield on a plinth in front of them out of 3D jigsaw-type pieces which were buried in troughs in sawdust.
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Think Krypton Factor meets lucky dip. At three intervals, a bell would ring, and the players all had to stop and put on blindfolds for a few minutes.
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The traitors could then remove theirs and go about sabotaging the handiwork of anyone they fancied. And while James A revealed he was "starting to have more fun" after murdering poor Ross, if there was a prize for the worst traitor of all time, he would still smash it.
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He was too scared to take off his blindfold and remove any shield pieces from the faithfuls, leaving the dirty work - and all the risk - to fellow traitors Maya Jama and King Kenny.
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Suffice to say, they were not impressed. "He didn't even lift the blindfold off - I'm speechless," said Maya.
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James A knew he was in trouble: "I'm aware I'll get a dressing down in the turret but I am the one who killed Grant Mitchell."
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He wasn't wrong about the telling off.
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And the fact he completed his own puzzle, earning himself a shield, must have really riled his co-conspirators. To be fair, you could argue he's playing a blinder - there's been very little suspicion of him so far.
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Three other celebrities also managed to complete their shield puzzles - James B, Joanne McNall and Michael Sheen - but no money was banked after Maya and Kenny panicked and didn't remove any pieces at their last opportunity.
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But the task at least threw up another bunch of mad theories for the faithfuls to chew over, as they tried to unsuccessfully guess where the floorboard creaking was coming from as two of the traitors tried to creep around the room.
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It was good news for Romesh at least, whose hay fever saved the day - Sharon Rooney could hear him sniffing constantly next to her so knew he couldn't have been a traitor.
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Maybe the tickly moustache isn't helping his allergies - and combing it won't make much difference.
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Romesh combing his moustache - as you do Ahead of the round table, self-styled "Poundland Poirot" Sharon was living up to her nickname with a red herring theory about a perfume bottle being used to kill someone in plain sight.
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Ross's murder and the disorienting mission ultimately confused everyone, with the round table being the most random of the series so far.
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Leigh-Ann Pinnock, Bash Croft, Joanne and Jerry were among the accused, with Jerry - having survived murder overnight - banished for being "a professional pot stirrer.
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She's "planted more seeds than a farmer's market" – or at least that was Joanne's reasoning.
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Romesh's deadpan excuse was better: "I've long suspected she preferred Rob (his comedy partner and former contestant Rob Beckett) to me." Once again, the faithfuls were left to rue losing one of their own, with Jerry chastising them as she made her grand exit: "I told you so!"
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Leigh-Ann still had heat on her after Jerry's banishment, with her bright red - blood red? - leather-look long gloves drawing attention in the kitchen.
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"I said they looked traitorous and villainous," she bemoaned.
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Back in the turret, as James A predicted, Maya and Kenny were not happy about his lack of action at the mission.
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"You hung us out to dry!" Maya chastised him.
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But he redeemed himself somewhat by declaring that he had finally got a taste for villainy.
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"When I killed Ross Kemp in plain sight, I loved it!"
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James A told a delighted Maya and Kenny.
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It's only taken him three-quarters of the series to get there but better late than never. Watch on iPlayer with new episodes every Thursday and Friday The latest banished and murdered celebs have their say in Uncloaked
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